Behind and Ahead

And.... it's March, and I don't believe I have posted anything yet! I do apologize for my neglect and promise to try and catch you up as well as I can. However, I must warn you that an incredible amount of events have transpired between now and last I wrote and it will be a serious undertaking! Oh, and I lied... I did post something this month! Obviously there has been a lot going on if I can't remember back to the beginning of the month!

So, my last post was dealing with all of my misgivings concerning the differences between I and Edmond's backgrounds. I still have a few of them still but, I made a decision concerning them the next day (after that last March post) during my counseling session that eased my heart immensely: I would tell Edmond about my having Bipolar.

It was huge decision. One I knew that would alter my life and our relationship for better or for worse ever after. I was so turned upside down and inside out from all of my questions that I even called Diana and asked if we could move my session up so I wouldn't have to wait so long to sort things out! As I was describing my misgivings and thoughts on Edmond and myself I finally got up my nerve to ask her opinion about telling Edmond about my Bipolar. You see, Dr. Brown and Diana had told me repeatedly that it was wise of me to wait a considerable time into a relationship before I told the a young man such news. They advised that I should wait to tell them until they had been able to get to know and accept me for who I was before knowing such an immensely significant part of who I am. Another reason they advised me to wait is to see how much the young man actually cared for me. Once he started to become serious and perhaps even fall in love then, that would be the time to tell them. However, with Edmond there seemed to be something about him that destroyed that concept. And what seemed to destroy that concept was something that scared me. For, he seemed to already be at the point where he would need to be told.

He was and is, dare I say, crazy about me.

And he had only seriously known me for a little over 3 weeks!

When I had made these realizations and discussed them with Diana I knew what I had to do. And incredibly, I had such an overwhelming sense of peace once I choose to tell him. Diana also agreed that it would be good to tell him now as well! One of the biggest factors was also realizing that with the addition of Lithium I have become blissfully stable and even. Because of this stability I am able to be certain in who I am and therefore, I can know, that I know, who Edmond is and that he has started dating me and getting to know me, the "real" Girl: not the Up Girl or the Down Girl. Realizing this also helped me realize that; what better time then now to tell him? Say the worse happened in a month or so and I become horribly depressed or hypomanic, then what am I to do? "Oh, by the way Edmond, just wanted to let you know that I have Bipolar II." Mmmm yeah, don't think that would be the best way to introduce it. So, introducing it now seemed highly logical because then he has a baseline to work off of when the illness decides to act up again.

Diana and I talk about it and we decided that when I introduced it that I should say that I had the milder form of Bipolar. I wanted to be sure that I counteracted any form of negative bias towards the illness he may have already acquired. That way the first thing he connects with the illness is not severity or any other negative memory to the illness but, a toned down something of "something".
^Started around the 10th of May^

"Finished" April the 5th...
Ok, so. I know I'm not going to get this finished for awhile. Pretty lame I know, I've been working on this post for three weeks now and I just can't seem to get it finished! I've become so busy and well, distracted. I'm still working on how to get my priorities and boundaries in place in this new relationship and well, it's not so easy nor fast. I want to keep you updated, I truly do! I just haven't done so. I've been so tired of late because I've been staying up either talking or watching movies or.... *ahem* uuuh, well exchanging lip massages with Edmond that I end up being totally out of it at work. Yes yes it's true, I write when I'm at work. But honestly! I really have nothing better to do! More on that later....
So yes, I will do my best to increase my self-control, thereby increasing my sleep, thereby keeping you updated!