Why I Am Here

So I'll admit; I'm nervous. I've never blogged before, only heard about it.
I've only just recently summoned up the courage after watching Julie & Julia and realizing, hey! This blogging thing is for everyone! Yeah I know.. what an epiphany eh? But hey, what can I say?
So now to explain how blogging is "for me as well". For starters, I want to write a book. Second, I plan on getting my Master's and going into research. So I figured that a blog would be a great place to start practicing for both! Kill two books with one pen right?
So a little bit more about me is in order I think. For one, if you hadn't realized already... I'm a horrible speller. Yeah I know. Phenomenon isn't spelled with an "E" but hey, we'll all pretend that I did it on purpose for originalities sake... right? Right.
Also, as I stated in the sidebar, this is a sight meant purely for authenticity's sake. I need the experience of vocal freedom. This world has far to many social norm's and frankly, I get feed up with trying to keep them. So, to alleviate some of that frustration, I decided to start a blog.
Now, one of the most basic social norms for all cultures is: consistency. And that's, my dear reader, something I inherently SUCK at. And yes, I used inherently purposefully. It is by no means an exaggeration. *Chuckling softly* For a matter of fact, my family does as well! They'd never admit that to you of course...
Anyways! Why I make a point of this is because, in starting a blog I've committed myself to some type of consistency. The million dollar question is: Will I be consistent in inconsistency or, will I actually blog -at the least- once a month? I'd like to say I've made some sort of New Year's resolution to be more consistent and all but, well, that'd be a straight up lie. And since I always prefer to be authentic here's the truth:
This blog is really only for me.
I know, selfish isn't it? But wait just a moment, let me explain. (Sound familiar? :)
I've been journaling for years. I started when I was eight and have been doing it as consistently as is feasible for this girl. I have berated myself for years for not being once-a-day consistent about it. But heck, what's journaling for but to help relive stress?! Obviously my approach wasn't doing that so, I changed. Then, after the Julie & Julia epiphany, I decided that blogging could be another way of journaling. The only difference being that, You are now reading my journal entries. Weird I know, journal entries are suppose to be private and all that jazz but hey, whoever said I fit the norm? (Or followed them for that matter...)
Now, by nature I am sporadic, spontaneous, and as I said already, authentic. All of which, if you had been observant, you will have noticed already. I am still working on the ability to hold onto one thought while transitioning into another and then back again. Composition-wise that is.
I'm very good at making connections. I love to jump from one thought to another, sometimes on purpose, at other times, accidentally. However, I am starting to notice that many people have a hard time making those connections with me. Still trying to figure out the exact reasons for that but hey, until then, I'm going to keep being me and simply help people connect the dots. One of those ways may be by your having to write me a comment telling me what you weren't able to connect so I can fill in the dots for you. I most definitely don't mind so, please don't feel slow or shy in regards to asking. It's good for me and my writing skills.
Now, one more thing before I go. I made the decision before I even started my blog that, in my first entry I had to tell you a very interesting and important aspect about me. Not just some random trivia or thought like: how putting the cookie dough on the cookie sheets is the part I dread most or, that I live in a house that seems to be at a perpetual temperature of 65F. And, that I just spent 30 seconds trying to figure out how to spell the word temp-e-tu-re. (Yeah, that's how I want to spell it...)
But, no no, none of that. What I have committed to telling you is that I have Bipolar II.
Now, I'm not telling you this because I'm ashamed of it, or afraid people won't like me after I tell them; no, none of those. I simply am telling you so that you can get a glimpse into the unique way I see the world. How I interact with it, how it interacts with me. Or should I say: how my brain interacts with me. *ironic laughter*
I feel it's important to let you know so you can have an opportunity to learn for one: what it is. Second, that it's controllable. In most cases that is. Third, it isn't fun. Fourthly, and in my view most importantly, that mental illnesses are not something to be afraid of but, to be respected. Just as a person with cancer doesn't become cancer, neither does a person with a mental illness morph into being Bipolar, Schizo, Depression, Multiple Personalities etc. It's a phenomenon that isn't understood, I understand that all to well but, if a commitment is made to not jump to conclusions then both parties can have a hope for reconciliation. Not reconciliation with each other but, to dealing with and understanding, the disease. And yes, it is a disease. The only difference being it's not of the liver, or the toes, or genitals or heart... it's of the brain. Not the mind. The brain.  (Third sentence back for pure shock factor. Sorry, couldn't resist.)
So, to wind this up...
I'm definitely excited about this new venture. To have the privilege to share with you, to know that there are people I haven't met, interested in my thoughts and life is truly an honor. I was just sharing with a friend on the frustration I have with journaling. It's like going into an empty building everyday, entering the conference room and giving a presentation on the things you hold as important and essential to..... empty chairs. Or, for a more personal allegory... Spending hours writing all of your deepest thoughts and feelings down in a book that's completely mute and inanimate. Not that you could find a book that isn't mute or inani..... oh whatever! You know what I mean!
Till the next random and inconsistent moment... Tootles!